Is this real life? (The coming chronicles of a soon-to-be bartender near you)

I promise I am not being controversial because I can. I have not gone off the deep end. I am legitimately sane. I still love Jesus and I think he has led me to my current path in life.

I just went to my first day of bartending school. And I loved it.

This is not surprising to those of you who know me best. And some of you may even be surprised that I think some people I know might be surprised or disappointed in my decisions. 

But maybe for some of you, this is the next thing on your list that makes you question my sanity.

To you, I say: I love you, yes I have changed a lot, but I'm still me, I love Jesus, he led me here; and if you have questions, that's totally fine. Ask them.

I do not want to create controversy, but I am not afraid of it. I am not afraid of disagreement, though I would like for it to be as civil and loving as possible.

Don't freak out on me. Don't drop me like a hot plate.

and please, please, don't question my love for my Lord. Through him, it is stronger than ever.

My thoughts are this: obedience, ministry; and job flexibility, availability, and security. Saving up for traveling...school...whatever God has for me next.

I'm not going to write a long post explaining all of my thought processes, but I just wanted to put this out there. This is what I'm doing for now.

and I'm pretty excited about it. :)

...


Stay tuned for motorcycles and tattoos. ha.










Though, I'm seriously not kidding about that either.


*smirk*

Solitary Adventures-Learning to be Bold

For the first half of our time in Belgium our days off were a bit rough. Kayla and I both hated being by ourselves knowing that the other was having to work twice as hard and was most likely doubly exhausted. I wrote an entry on one of those days, but never finished it or posted it. 

I vented my frustrations as follows: 

"I, Katina Hembree am a lily-livered coward. It's true. I am freshly showered (which is becoming a less frequent thing), have clean hair (also less frequent), I have shaved my legs, and I could be getting ready to go out somewhere-put on make-up, dry my hair, the whole shebang- and instead I am sitting in the family room and blogging. I haven't gone anywhere significant on my days off so far. My first day I just walked around Genval and on one of my days off Kayla and I got to go to Bruxelles, but the last one I just crashed. (OK. I just went and counted my days off so far and this is only my fourth one, so I feel a bit less lame.)

Today I slept til 10:30 (can I just say, O blessed rest!) then Kayla roused me from the bed and we went for a walk/run. She first asked me if I wanted to go for a run, but I asked if we could call it a walk with a bit of running so I would be more apt to get my rear in gear and get ready. We were out for about an hour and went 5.7km, which is actually pretty good (for us) when you add the time it took for us to stop and stretch, decide which way to go, and stare at a map in Rixensart when we had no idea how to get back to Genval.

We got back and collapsed on the front step, then came in to see everyone with our sweaty, red faces. I had to put some clothes in the dryer to have something nice to wear today, so I did that. We talked with the ladies of the house for a bit, got to see Haven (yay!) before she went back out to catch a plane to Budapest. So by the time I ate lunch and stretched some more and talked with everyone it was near 3:00. I took a looooooong shower, got minimally ready and am now sitting on my butt in the family room, feeling a bit lame for not rushing myself to get ready and go out and have great adventures by myself.

I am having this problem with my days off that I look forward to having the day to do whatever I want, but by the time my day off rolls around I come up with a billion excuses as to why I shouldn't go anywhere. For instance, right now it is quite late to go to Bruxelles, I don't have any Euros and I can't remember my pin number to get cash, which means I would have to go to the ticket counter inside the train station instead of buying a ticket with cash on the train, which is something that I have done before; I am sore from this morning, I now have a headache, and I hate, hate, hate, going anywhere by myself-especially where I don't know anything and feel dumb and conspicuous.  All of these are ridiculous. I know that. I am in Belgium. I should have adventures even if I have to go by myself and just make myself have fun, right? Right.

I am the Queen of hermiting and hiding alone in my room, but please never ask me to go anywhere  out in the world by myself. All of the awkwardness I feel going out by myself at home is greatly amplified here because of the language barrier and all of the newness and not knowing how to deal with things here.

Is being a solitary wanderer an acquired skill?"

Now I am here to answer myself. 

Yes, yes it is. 

It was a couple weeks after that post, Kayla had her day off and got to go out with a friend and I was hoping to do the same on mine, but it just didn't work out. But that ended up being ok, because God had much to teach me. 

It was April 20th and I drew out the morning as usual, sleeping in and taking forever to get ready, but I just knew that I had to get out that day. I had a hard time with it at first. I really didn't want to be alone and my loneliness was overwhelming me. Before I left, I went and talked to Rebecca about it, she let me hug her and prayed for me. I bolted out of there so I wouldn't start crying. I was extremely apprehensive, but I knew the Lord was pushing me to go, so I went.  

This is how I was feeling on the walk to the train station.

The Lord really showed his care for me the whole day. In talking with Rebecca and her encouraging words, in Annie helping me to figure out where to go and finding a map and train schedules for me. In being late for the train, so I would be at the right place at the right time to meet another person who spoke English from Romania; and get to ride into Bruxelles with Haven, Ben, and the girl I met from Romania. Haven gave me her train card so I didn't have to buy a ticket and I got to use it on the way back as well. 

I went to Bruxelles and went to a shopping area and ducked into this church for a bit. 

It was very peaceful. I wandered around the interior praying and taking pictures, trying to gather myself and calm my anxiety. 

I remember being reminded of Psalm 118:6, "The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?" and Psalm 27:1, "The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"

The longer I was out by myself, the more I had a growing awareness of His presence with me and my security in Him. 

I knew it was time for me to be bold and courageous, so I walked out the door.   

It started raining, which was comical, but I had bought a little umbrella after our first rain soaked outing, so I was not unprepared. I actually started enjoying it. 

I found some much needed new jeans, which made me very happy. 

I ended up just losing myself in the shopping as you can see from my spoils.

Had a delicious coffee

and then I just wandered around

This is me on my way back into Gare du Nord. Happy!

The Lord really blessed me with confidence in his presence and his care for me that day and it has really changed my outlook on solitary wandering and taught me to set aside my fear and look to the Father for strength. I can cast my burdens on Him, because He cares for me. 

That lesson on that day is just one of the many reasons I am forever changed from going to Belgium. It was one of the hardest things I have have done, but the blessings matched the hardships and I wouldn't change it for the world!

Now what?

I can't believe it has been over a month since Kayla and I left London. It has been surreal this week to be watching the Olympics on television and see the sweeping scenes of the city and say, "I've been there!" There is joy and gratefulness in the remembering. Wonderment and disbelief that it actually happened. I can't believe we got to live in Belgium for three months and on top of that got to travel in England and Ireland. It was a dream come true.

Now we have been home for almost seven weeks, taken the first two-three weeks just to crash and catch up with friends, have moved out of and said goodbye to the house that Kayla and I lived in for a bit, taken a short trip to Pryor, Oklahoma to see family that we haven't seen since we moved to New Mexico. It has been good and hard, but mostly good.

Tonight watching the Olympics though, I felt an ache. I have become an addict. I can't wait to go back. I am longing for the familiar places that I just barely got to know and for all the places I haven't yet been. I want to look up again at buildings that have stood for centuries and watch the countryside fly by as I hear the clack-clack-clack of the wheels against the train tracks. I want to get lost again in a big city and not care that I don't know where I am, only caring that I am somewhere I have never been before. I want to go back and do all the things we didn't have time for or were just too tired to see.

I want to meet people who have grown up in a different culture than I and be astounded at the common grace of God to let human beings connect to one another in laughter and awkwardness and kindness.

Yet, I am so blessed to be home. To see my family that I missed like crazy for all that time, to see my dear friends; to travel back to good ol' small town Oklahoma and enjoy being with family and recede back into my Oklahoma accent for awhile, to go tubing on the lake and soak up the muggy, sunny atmosphere. To go hiking in the Sandia foothills again and watch the sunset. To have my own room again and be surrounded in a teal ocean that calms me like almost nothing else.

But after all these good things and resting and readjusting the question that has been on the back burner for the last four months has come to the forefront. Now what?