Work it out

I knew coming here would be about so much more than just art; that through all of the challenges I face in re-learning what I have lost and just from being around so much wisdom, that I would grow in immense ways personally and spiritually. 

                                  

    Chateau La Hulpe. 5 minutes from the house by car, so I will run there occasionally. 

There have been so many lessons already. 

And today's lessons from church would need a post of its own. I am so thankful for all the ways God is moving in my life and teaching me. Here are just a few:

As you are working on drawing, you have to really see what you are looking at. 

Sounds funny or simple, but it is true. 

You walk past your mailbox every day, but if I asked you to describe it to me in detail I bet you would come up short. I can think that I know the proportions of an object, but if I am just focusing on my idea of what that seashell looks like, instead of constantly checking my work to see what is actually correct, I will be way off.  I have to take the time to look, really look at what I am seeing. 

That applies to life in so many ways. Take the time, be in the moment, stop rushing and notice what you are missing. Am I making up or exaggerating situations in my head, because I'm not carefully considering all sides of an issue? Stop, think, look, see the truth and not what your brain is telling you.

                                   

                                                 The forest in the park closest to home. 

In my art lessons, Hans has been asking me what I would grade myself or what I think about how I am doing.  I tend to give myself a lower score than he gives me. He said there is a difference between an emotional grade and a grade according to the criteria of the assignment. I feel like I could do better. I feel like something sucks, but really I did what was required of me. I need to separate how I feel I am doing on a drawing and just do what I am asked to do. 

As we have been talking about my tendency towards perfectionism in art and really everything, he has asked me to notice the way that I talk to myself(inner dialogue wise…I'm not crazy…well only a little), and I have been amazed at how much I talk myself down. I think that most of my thoughts about myself are negative and it has been serious brain-hurting work to start changing that. 

Instead of thinking, "I'm terrible at this," think "I'm getting better than I was yesterday." 

Seriously, most of the time I think I am doing horribly, both Hans and Norma will come and praise my work. Chill out, Katina…

So, day by day, I am coming closer to having a correct view of myself, which is pretty exciting!

                                        

                                                               Hoeilaart town hall

I've been running too, which is quite a change from the yoga, kickboxing, and hiking that I have been doing. I have a love/hate relationship with it right now, but it is just another lesson in perseverance. And seriously, with all the delicious beer, chocolate, and waffels around, I had better do something or I am going to lose all the progress I have made! (Though I haven't had a waffel yet and that needs to be remedied very soon.) So I'm starting out slowly, but I am excited to see where I'm at when I leave. 

                                   

In other news, jet lag is slowly getting better and I'm not waking up every hour and finally giving up and getting out of bed before the crack of dawn.  

 

Also, some super exciting things:

Hans and Norma's son got here today and we are all headed to Normandy on Wednesday for a couple days. We are going to see some war memorials and then hopefully see Mont Saint Michel after that (which is what I am really excited about). Seriously…France!!!

We will come back home for a couple days and then drive through Luxembourg and France to Hans' hometown in Switzerland for a week for his birthday! I'm going to Switzerland, guys!!! So, seriously I'm getting to do a lot more traveling than I ever thought and am going to enjoy every minute of it. I am just required to take my sketchbook everywhere, which is totally fine with me! 

                                   

I can't believe I haven't even been here a whole week yet. I'm excited about all the time I have left! 

Love to all! 

And even though I'm having loads of fun, know you are missed.

Xoxo,

Katina 

Solitary Adventures-Learning to be Bold

For the first half of our time in Belgium our days off were a bit rough. Kayla and I both hated being by ourselves knowing that the other was having to work twice as hard and was most likely doubly exhausted. I wrote an entry on one of those days, but never finished it or posted it. 

I vented my frustrations as follows: 

"I, Katina Hembree am a lily-livered coward. It's true. I am freshly showered (which is becoming a less frequent thing), have clean hair (also less frequent), I have shaved my legs, and I could be getting ready to go out somewhere-put on make-up, dry my hair, the whole shebang- and instead I am sitting in the family room and blogging. I haven't gone anywhere significant on my days off so far. My first day I just walked around Genval and on one of my days off Kayla and I got to go to Bruxelles, but the last one I just crashed. (OK. I just went and counted my days off so far and this is only my fourth one, so I feel a bit less lame.)

Today I slept til 10:30 (can I just say, O blessed rest!) then Kayla roused me from the bed and we went for a walk/run. She first asked me if I wanted to go for a run, but I asked if we could call it a walk with a bit of running so I would be more apt to get my rear in gear and get ready. We were out for about an hour and went 5.7km, which is actually pretty good (for us) when you add the time it took for us to stop and stretch, decide which way to go, and stare at a map in Rixensart when we had no idea how to get back to Genval.

We got back and collapsed on the front step, then came in to see everyone with our sweaty, red faces. I had to put some clothes in the dryer to have something nice to wear today, so I did that. We talked with the ladies of the house for a bit, got to see Haven (yay!) before she went back out to catch a plane to Budapest. So by the time I ate lunch and stretched some more and talked with everyone it was near 3:00. I took a looooooong shower, got minimally ready and am now sitting on my butt in the family room, feeling a bit lame for not rushing myself to get ready and go out and have great adventures by myself.

I am having this problem with my days off that I look forward to having the day to do whatever I want, but by the time my day off rolls around I come up with a billion excuses as to why I shouldn't go anywhere. For instance, right now it is quite late to go to Bruxelles, I don't have any Euros and I can't remember my pin number to get cash, which means I would have to go to the ticket counter inside the train station instead of buying a ticket with cash on the train, which is something that I have done before; I am sore from this morning, I now have a headache, and I hate, hate, hate, going anywhere by myself-especially where I don't know anything and feel dumb and conspicuous.  All of these are ridiculous. I know that. I am in Belgium. I should have adventures even if I have to go by myself and just make myself have fun, right? Right.

I am the Queen of hermiting and hiding alone in my room, but please never ask me to go anywhere  out in the world by myself. All of the awkwardness I feel going out by myself at home is greatly amplified here because of the language barrier and all of the newness and not knowing how to deal with things here.

Is being a solitary wanderer an acquired skill?"

Now I am here to answer myself. 

Yes, yes it is. 

It was a couple weeks after that post, Kayla had her day off and got to go out with a friend and I was hoping to do the same on mine, but it just didn't work out. But that ended up being ok, because God had much to teach me. 

It was April 20th and I drew out the morning as usual, sleeping in and taking forever to get ready, but I just knew that I had to get out that day. I had a hard time with it at first. I really didn't want to be alone and my loneliness was overwhelming me. Before I left, I went and talked to Rebecca about it, she let me hug her and prayed for me. I bolted out of there so I wouldn't start crying. I was extremely apprehensive, but I knew the Lord was pushing me to go, so I went.  

This is how I was feeling on the walk to the train station.

The Lord really showed his care for me the whole day. In talking with Rebecca and her encouraging words, in Annie helping me to figure out where to go and finding a map and train schedules for me. In being late for the train, so I would be at the right place at the right time to meet another person who spoke English from Romania; and get to ride into Bruxelles with Haven, Ben, and the girl I met from Romania. Haven gave me her train card so I didn't have to buy a ticket and I got to use it on the way back as well. 

I went to Bruxelles and went to a shopping area and ducked into this church for a bit. 

It was very peaceful. I wandered around the interior praying and taking pictures, trying to gather myself and calm my anxiety. 

I remember being reminded of Psalm 118:6, "The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?" and Psalm 27:1, "The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"

The longer I was out by myself, the more I had a growing awareness of His presence with me and my security in Him. 

I knew it was time for me to be bold and courageous, so I walked out the door.   

It started raining, which was comical, but I had bought a little umbrella after our first rain soaked outing, so I was not unprepared. I actually started enjoying it. 

I found some much needed new jeans, which made me very happy. 

I ended up just losing myself in the shopping as you can see from my spoils.

Had a delicious coffee

and then I just wandered around

This is me on my way back into Gare du Nord. Happy!

The Lord really blessed me with confidence in his presence and his care for me that day and it has really changed my outlook on solitary wandering and taught me to set aside my fear and look to the Father for strength. I can cast my burdens on Him, because He cares for me. 

That lesson on that day is just one of the many reasons I am forever changed from going to Belgium. It was one of the hardest things I have have done, but the blessings matched the hardships and I wouldn't change it for the world!