If...

One of the few books I brought with me is Amy Carmichael's "If; What do I know of Calvary Love?" It is a little book of poems that has encouraged me throughout the years and I was led to bring it with me. I have read a bit today and here are some passages that have encouraged me and convicted me:

"If I do not feel far more for the grieved Saviour than for my worried self when troublesome things occur, then I know nothing of Calvary love."

"If I put my own happiness before the well-being of the work entrusted to me; if, though I have received much mercy, I faint, I know nothing of Calvary love."

"If I am soft to myself and slide comfortably into the vice of self-pity and self-sympathy; if I do not by the grace of God practice fortitude, then I know nothing of Calvary love."

"If I myself dominate myself, if my thoughts revolve around myself, if I am so occupied with myself I rarely have "a heart at leisure from itself," then I know nothing of Calvary love."

"If the moment I am conscious of the shadow of self crossing my threshold. I do not shut the door, and in the power of Him who works in us to will and to do, keep that door shut, then I know nothing of Calvary love."

"If I am inconsiderate about the comfort of others, or their feelings, or even of their little weaknesses; if I am careless about their little hurts and miss opportunities to smooth their way; if I make the sweet running of household wheels more difficult to accomplish, then I know nothing of Calvary love."

"If I become entangled in any "inordinate affection"; if things or places or people hold me back from obedience to my Lord, then I know nothing of Calvary love."

"If something I am asked to do for another feels burdensome; if, yielding to an inward unwillingness, I avoid doing it, then I know nothing of Calvary love."

"If I slip into the place that can be filled with Christ alone, making myself the first necessity to a soul instead of leading it to fasten upon Him, then I know nothing of Calvary love."

"If I refuse to be a corn of wheat that falls to the ground and dies ("is separated from all in which it lived before"), then I know nothing of Calvary love."


Father is showing me that my time is not my own, here or anywhere else. He is showing me my own heart of selfishness and laziness. He is showing me how much of my thoughts are occupied with myself and my desires. My heart and attitudes are being greatly challenged here. The Father has much to teach me and I am ready to learn and to change.

I feel I have come to a point where much has been taken away. I have been emptied and I am ready to be filled. These past years my loves, desires, plans, finances, and health have been torn down. I am in a new place quite out of my comfort zone and I have only the Lord's strength to lean on. This will surely be a time of more tearing down of the idols of my heart, of the foundation made of sand that I have built up for myself, and a time of building up the foundation of Rock that I must always stand on and willingly submitting to the Lord who rightfully belongs on the throne of my heart.

May He become greater and I become less.

Complaining to the Moon

Little sliver of moon

outside my window pane

and out above the world

You see so much

while I see little

Your vantage point

 is so much clearer

The sun that makes you shine

was hours ago

 above this place of mine

But now belongs to vistas far away

that I hope to see someday

Only in this time

I am stuck in this place of mine

doing droll things

that have a deadline

-Katina Hembree

Diverted Heart

I know this isn’t what you planned,

You’ve held your heart out in your hands

Waiting for someone to take a chance

On you

You’ve waited for so long

And have patiently been strung along

Wondering if it will come at all

For you

With so much love to give

A heart of gold and a heart to serve

Aching for someone to give yourself to

And for them to do the same with you

Oh dear, do not despair

For you won’t always tarry here

With lonely heart and aching soul

And searching for the perfect one

That seems to be the other half of you

There’s someone who’s being prepared

To be your number two

To fit with Christ

And fit with you
-Katina Hembree