Homesick zombies make feeble attempts at the learning...you know...stuff

I had no idea jet lag could be this bad. When people would talk about it I would think, "big deal, you just stay up all day and then go to bed when you are supposed to and then everything will be fine." Wow, oh wow, was I wrong. Yesterday I felt like the living dead all day and I went to bed right after dinner so I could be competent enough to do the midnight turn. I don't think I have ever been to bed at seven before. I feel like I am in a constant fog, even if I have slept enough, and I haven't been able to sleep very well.

Kayla and I both couldn't sleep last night, so we got to talk for a bit. It was the first extended conversation we've had since we got here.

Yesterday was our first day without Jordan; I think it was rougher on us because of that. I feel like I am constantly doing something wrong and always have to be corrected. I know that I am just learning, and Rebecca is extremely gracious, but I am hard on myself and want to do everything perfectly the first time around. Especially since I am so tired, I don't get things as fast as I normally would and I am slow to move or slow to hear what I am asked to do. Then there are the times when there are a bit of a cultural barrier and I am looking for something that I know of as one thing by the same name and it turns out to be something completely different. *sigh*

I think I automatically see disapproving glances and think others don't think well of me because I am so frustrated with myself, whether they are really there or not. Pray for us to be gracious, especially when we are tired and frustrated with ourselves that we aren't learning faster. Pray for graciousness to be extended to us when we are slow to act or comprehend. Pray for us to get into the groove of things quickly and please, please, please, pray for our bodies to adjust to the time quickly and for us to feel totally well.

Rebecca is lovely and we are enjoying getting to know her and Paul. It is great living with people who are so in love with the Lord and extend grace to everyone around them. I am already so thankful for their presence in our lives and I feel that the Lord will teach us much through them.

This morning was a bit of a whirlwind as we were getting ready for visitors to come to tea. Kayla and I briefly met the First Prince and Princess of Belgium this morning! Pretty cool. They came to pray with Paul and Rebecca about the Prayer Breakfasts that Paul started here in Belgium. We also met another of Paul's friends who was very kind and spoke to us for a bit. I think that he is the pastor over the Prayer Breakfast here.

The more we do everything, I'm sure it will get easier. It is just the firsts of everything that is very hard. We both cannot believe that this is only the fifth day of us being here. It feels like an eternity right now. I just have to get through each moment, I cannot even think of getting through this one day, or I feel like I will fall over. I have to plead for grace and strength from the Lord for every moment, for every unpleasant task, and for everything I feel unqualified for.

I am learning so much and am doing things waaaaaaaaaay outside my comfort zone. Sometimes I am barely making it and sometimes I can smile through it. Each time in the Word is becoming precious and I am learning to lean on the Lord for strength in every moment. I read Isaiah 40 this morning as I was quickly eating breakfast and was encouraged that the Lord says,

"Comfort, comfort, my people..."1

"The grass withers, the flower fade when the breath of the LORD blows on it. surely the people are grass. The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever." 7-8

"Behold, the Lord GOD comes with might,  and his arm rules for him; behold, his reward is with him, and his recompense before him. He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young." 10-11




"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." 28-31 (All ESV)

The Word is becoming more of a balm and strength to my tired soul every day.

I have also never understood true homesickness until now. Last night I just wanted to hug my Mom and have a good cry, and remembered that she is way on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, plus more than halfway across America. Hopefully, we will be able to find a time to skype soon, but our different schedules plus the eight hour time difference make things difficult. I have gotten to talk to my brothers a bit, which was nice We can receive texts for free, but can't really send many back. If any of you wanted to text us, that would be fine. :)

Miss all of you and praying that the Lord is working in your lives as He is certainly moving in ours.

Love!

The deal with doctors

I am about to do what I possibly dread most in all of life.
Go to the doctor.
Doctors and I do not have a great history.
When I was little my mom would never tell me that we were going to get shots until we were in the parking lot. I'm sure it was killer to get me inside. My 2nd mom (as I affectionately like to call her) would have to come to back my mom up, basically to drag me through the door.
I'm sure there were many times this happened, but the one I most keenly remember was when I was about 7 or 8, I think.
I had to be coaxed through the office door as usual, but I got a bit smarter and tried to appear a bit more calm. When we were called back I let Kayla (my dear older sister) go first and as soon as everyone had their back turned I ran. I think my escape was pretty short lived, but I remember it being pretty awesome. Adrenaline pulse through my veins as I ran and hid. I think I made it to the opposite side of the back of the office, with the door to the waiting room in sight. I bolted for the door, but was caught mid-sprint by my dear 2nd mom, Kathy. 
Once taken back to the room I had to be held down so they could administer the shots.
I still hate, hate, hate, needles. 

Given that I do not have any great affection for doctors, my track record in keeping myself away from them is not so great.

I broke my arm in the 3rd grade by jumping out of a swing. We were having a contest to see who could land the farthest away from the swings and I had to win. I thought that height must equal distance, so I jumped off at the highest point possible and sailed through the air to my supposed victory, and landed quite inefficiently on my elbow.  My mom said that they could hear the crack of it breaking.

I ended up having surgery to fish a chip of my growth plate out of my arm so it could be put back in its proper place. I am happy to report that I have two correctly proportioned arms.

We never really went to the doctor that much. I still don't go unless I am really sick or have injured myself.

The next huge thing I remember was slicing my leg open on a recliner. A recliner.
I was sitting in it and decided to get up, and didn't put the leg rest down to do so. Apparently there was some kind of rod in the leg rest that was coated in plastic except for the end, which happened to be razor sharp. I ended up with a gaping and bleeding wound from that tumble with the recliner. We went to a minor emergency center to get it stitched up and they did a horrible job of it. They gave me two numbing shots and hardly gave them time to work before stitching up my leg with thirteen stitches for a three inch long cut. I now have a caterpillar-like scar as a result. I have named him George. Pronounced in the French way of course. 

I've done pretty well in the injury category since then, I think. No surgery or stitches necessary at least. Some ridiculous things like sprained big toes, fainting out of chairs and hitting my face on table legs, and sitting in an already broken chair which resulted in many bruises and whiplash. Plus, some pretty necessary dental work, like getting my wisdom teeth out, and oh yeah, jaw surgery. 

Most of my life I have viewed doctors as an annoying and painful step to fixing an injury or improving an illness, and usually I like to tough it out and get over whatever is ailing me without them, but at this stage in my life I have decided that it is time for me to grow up and try to see doctors as a necessary help instead of the-thing-that-plagues-my-existence-and-must-avoid-at-all-cost.

I have been getting sick pretty frequently over the past year and even more frequently over the past six months. This has thrown major kinks in my plans of getting a steady job and earning money for upcoming travel, but it has been good in the effects of making me more aware of how I am treating my body, making changes, and finally seeking help for it.

True to my dramatic, a bit hypochondriac self, I have WebMD'ed it up and have been freaking out about all the possible immune system attacking diseases I might have, but really I am hoping that it might be something as simple (or not so simple really) as food allergies or hormone imbalances. The worst answer would be "we don't know" or "nothing." There needs to be something tangible wrong with me so they can fix it!

 All this to say, I am actually looking forward to going to the doctor next week to hopefully get some answers and make some more healthy changes before I embark on the World Travel Adventure of 2012.