Goals(A late list of new year resolutions of sorts)

I know I'm late, but here are some things I've been thinking about for this year. :)

1. Be all here- I am always trying to plan two steps ahead. But I am realizing that most of the soul-changing, heart-growing, hard-but-more-like-Jesus-making things in my life have been completely unexpected. I will try to live fully each day and trust Him with my future. 

2. Persevere- I defeat myself before I even start something by believing lies that I will never be good enough. It is good to know my limits-I will probably never be Van Gogh, Beethoven, or an exceptional athlete. But I will try. And I will keep trying. I will not expect immediate perfection, but I will celebrate little victories. Pounds lost, projects completed, notes read more easily. These things are things to enjoy. And I will enjoy them. 

3. Thankfulness- Sunrises, the smell of coffee, my dog smiling, the way spinach wilts when I sauté it, dried flowers, long hikes. Family, friends, church. The Word-How the God who created me reveals himself to me. He wants me to know him and he knows me. My job-even when I want to stay at home because I'm sick. Sickness-there is something for me to learn even in this. Uncertainty-I run to the one who does know when I am wondering. Loneliness- It is a season that will pass. 

4. Love- I will love others, no matter who they are, no matter if it is easy to get along with them or not, no matter what we might disagree on. My irritation with someone usually reveals blemishes in my heart and my attitude. I will open my heart and let people in. I will not try to remain aloof, unattached, be robotic and unfeeling, to protect myself as I have in the past. Truth is-loving like Jesus requires giving of yourself, it requires being open, it requires vulnerability. I will not focus on only protecting myself. I will love like Jesus, love unconditionally, and I will let Jesus protect my heart for me. 

5. Humility- All these things that I am working on- that Jesus is working in me- are not things that I can achieve by myself. My Savior shapes me and molds me. I am his work of art. He is teaching me to surrender my pride. I will always need help, from others and from Him-especially when I don't want it the most. 

These things are good. They are exciting. Whatever happens in my life externally this year, I know that internally, things are stirring and moving, and I am changing and growing. 

So with my eyes working to fix themselves on Jesus, and my heart working to trust his goodness and faithfulness, and my mind ever seeking to know Him more; I will walk forward into this year with hope. 

Sister of Mine (an open birthday letter)

Sister of mine, 

SO, I had a dream last night that you wanted to go ice skating and go see the movie "Flicka" for your birthday. In this dream I took on Kenton's personality and scoffed at you mercilessly for these plans and oddly enough, Kenton defended you and said that we were going to do whatever you wanted for your birthday. *This is how we know it was a dream.*

"Young Katy claims a wild horse as her own -- an effort to prove to her father that she is capable of one day taking over the family ranch." from IMDB.

But I want you to know, in real life I would definitely still tell you that those things were dumb, but I would still go and help you have a hella fun time with minimal complaining and sulking.

 I would do this only for you. 

Because I love you a lot. 

You happen to be my very favorite. 

Mostly because of, but not limited to these things:

1. You are a goof. 

I know, I know, most of the time, when you do something silly or outlandish I tend to shake my head and say, "wow, you'rrrrrre my sister....." But I really do love this about you. 

We all do, even though we act embarrassed (because we are), and will probably continue to do so.

But don't change. 

I actually am really proud of the way you can just let loose and be yourself, not caring what people around you think. 

 I love that about you. 

(Please don't hold this over my head in the future. *wink*)

Can you imagine what the brothers and I would be like eventually without you??? We would sit around being stodgy, with pipes and pints; talking about nerdy things, or pretending we know philosophy well enough to argue intelligently with each other, or making fun of everything and everyone under the sun-thinking we are the high and mighty of the world, or all of the above. 

With you, well it would almost look the same, but you would be there to tell us (with your fruity cocktail or cider) when we are getting too ridiculous; or going off too long on a sci-fi argument about what characters are better, or who would defeat whom (Q or Prof. X was it?); you would bring lightness and laughter that would not be born out of ridicule, you would make sure that we know we aren't all that and get us off our high horses,  you would remind us about the important things, and chide us for our cynicism and misanthropic tendencies. 

   

You make us fun.

You make us better.

You can bring out our silliness and make us forget ourselves (which is an accomplishment).

and despite the total sappiness and cliched manner of the statement, we would be incomplete without you.

Odds and Evens FTW!

 2. You say things that can easily be taken out of context and sound like some kind of sexual innuendo, and do it completely on accident. 

SO many times. 

And it will never stop cracking us up.

 Ever. 

So many awkward and hilarious moments that are born out of innocence and obliviousness on your part, and twisted minds on ours. 

You are the near saint in our circle. 

This is a good thing.  

We've become rather fond of your "Willow" moments.

3. You are just good.

You are kind. You are compassionate. You are humble. You are optimistic. You pursue good and godly things. You strive to walk uprightly.  You are passionate about people and you love others better than I ever will. You don't see yourself clearly and you are more important to the people around you than you will ever know.  

4. You are guileless and childlike.

This is one of my favorite things about you, though sometimes you are so trusting of people it scares me, because somewhere along the way, in my mind, it became my job to protect you.  

But as many times as I feel I have to caution you of the cunning and serpent-like ways of the world, I hope you never change. 

You look for the good in people and situations while I am looking for the danger and mishaps to avoid. 

Your perspective causes me to evaluate mine and more often than not, I see where I am wrong, even if I might not admit it.

5. You don't like beer or straight liquor, but you allow me to get you to taste some of mine (knowing full well that you probably won't like it) and you make AH-mazing faces.

 I have picture and video proof.

6. You are just stinkin' cute

You are my sister. 

It is one word, but it is packed with meaning for me. 

It means you have been with me through everything. 

It means we can fight like cats & dogs, yell and cuss each other out, but we will always come out of it closer in the end. 

It means that as much as we might ever hurt the other, we will always forgive, always seek understanding, because we love each other. 

It means that you know me like no one else does and that I know you. 

It means that you are my opposite, my other half, the one who pushes me the most, the one whose opinion I care about the most, the one who most sharpens me, and encourages me. 

So, dearest sister, happy birthday. 

I'm really glad that you're alive. 

I'm really glad that you're 25. 

It's a good age. 

You are not old. 

We have so many things left to do together... and if the Lord allows, so much time. 

I can't wait to see what's next for us.

I can't wait to see what the Lord has for us. 

We have both grown so much over the last year...the last several years and it is good to remember. 

So remember the good things. 

Remember the hard things that have made us better. 

Don't worry about the things you haven't done yet. 

Don't do the "what if's." 

Because our path is sure and it has been hewn out before us. 

We go out from here together with a friend who is closer than a [sister]. (Proverbs 18:24)

Who knows our past and our future. 

and He is our hope. 

not our accomplishments or talents.

I love you. 

I am so proud of you. 

I am proud to be called your sister. 

I'm so glad to have walked with you this far. 

May the journey grow sweeter still.

your friend, companion, confidant, fellow conspire-er and little sister who sometimes acts like an older brother, 

Katina

TREAT YO'SELF! (2012)

One of my favorite things about August is that I get a little card in the mail for my birthday from Anthropologie. Call me ridiculous, but it's true. It's only 15% off, but with Anthro, I'll take what I can get.

This year I purchased this nifty little journal:

It is a five year journal, so you will get to see how your answers change through the years. I am excited to look back through it in a couple years and see all the crazy things that have happened.  A lot can change in five years! Five years ago I was still living in Norman and my dad had started the process of applying for his job at Kirtland AFB. I could never have guessed what that would lead to and where I would be now! 

Check it out here.

 It is now on my 'currently reading' shelf in my room, right up there with "The Valley of Vision," "Peter Pan," "A Gospel Primer," "If," a collection of Hemingway works, "Christ Formed In You," as well as "The Lord of the Rings," and "The Weight of Glory," which were both absent from the picture as they were hangin' out in my purse. So far I have been fairly consistent in pulling it down every day to answer the question of the day. 

Here are a few of the questions and my answers:

September 1st: Teacher or student? 

"Student at the New Mexico Bartending Academy. This will be my second week. I need to be a more faithful student of music and art. 

September 3rd: Where have you found evidence of a higher power? 

"In the grace that is daily given. In the Word. In the blessings I do not deserve. In God's beautiful creation. In the Gospel and Christ who I am saved in."

September 4th: Where do you see yourself in five years?

"Gah. In five years I will be 28. I would like to have seen more of the world by then. Have gone on short term and perhaps longer term mission trips, live somewhere in Europe?, find "the one," get married, have at least one kid." 

Only the Lord knows if any of those things will happen. 

September 5th: Today you learned _________.

"How to say awkward drink names without too much shame or immaturity. Oh bartending school..." Then I proceeded to list them, but to put them on here would look like "awkward sexual term," "variation on previous term," "additional variation on same term," and "adios @%*!^%%$#%@^." Soooooo yeah. 

September 6th: What was the last online video clip you watched?

annnnnd I'm just going to post them because they are hilarious.

September 8th: Who are you jealous of?

"Chris Thile's girlfriend. That is all."

Not in a creepy way... I mean, who isn't?

In other news, I finished bartending school and got my alcohol serving licence yesterday, so I am starting the job hunt tomorrow! 

That's all for now!

Is this real life? (The coming chronicles of a soon-to-be bartender near you)

I promise I am not being controversial because I can. I have not gone off the deep end. I am legitimately sane. I still love Jesus and I think he has led me to my current path in life.

I just went to my first day of bartending school. And I loved it.

This is not surprising to those of you who know me best. And some of you may even be surprised that I think some people I know might be surprised or disappointed in my decisions. 

But maybe for some of you, this is the next thing on your list that makes you question my sanity.

To you, I say: I love you, yes I have changed a lot, but I'm still me, I love Jesus, he led me here; and if you have questions, that's totally fine. Ask them.

I do not want to create controversy, but I am not afraid of it. I am not afraid of disagreement, though I would like for it to be as civil and loving as possible.

Don't freak out on me. Don't drop me like a hot plate.

and please, please, don't question my love for my Lord. Through him, it is stronger than ever.

My thoughts are this: obedience, ministry; and job flexibility, availability, and security. Saving up for traveling...school...whatever God has for me next.

I'm not going to write a long post explaining all of my thought processes, but I just wanted to put this out there. This is what I'm doing for now.

and I'm pretty excited about it. :)

...


Stay tuned for motorcycles and tattoos. ha.










Though, I'm seriously not kidding about that either.


*smirk*

Solitary Adventures-Learning to be Bold

For the first half of our time in Belgium our days off were a bit rough. Kayla and I both hated being by ourselves knowing that the other was having to work twice as hard and was most likely doubly exhausted. I wrote an entry on one of those days, but never finished it or posted it. 

I vented my frustrations as follows: 

"I, Katina Hembree am a lily-livered coward. It's true. I am freshly showered (which is becoming a less frequent thing), have clean hair (also less frequent), I have shaved my legs, and I could be getting ready to go out somewhere-put on make-up, dry my hair, the whole shebang- and instead I am sitting in the family room and blogging. I haven't gone anywhere significant on my days off so far. My first day I just walked around Genval and on one of my days off Kayla and I got to go to Bruxelles, but the last one I just crashed. (OK. I just went and counted my days off so far and this is only my fourth one, so I feel a bit less lame.)

Today I slept til 10:30 (can I just say, O blessed rest!) then Kayla roused me from the bed and we went for a walk/run. She first asked me if I wanted to go for a run, but I asked if we could call it a walk with a bit of running so I would be more apt to get my rear in gear and get ready. We were out for about an hour and went 5.7km, which is actually pretty good (for us) when you add the time it took for us to stop and stretch, decide which way to go, and stare at a map in Rixensart when we had no idea how to get back to Genval.

We got back and collapsed on the front step, then came in to see everyone with our sweaty, red faces. I had to put some clothes in the dryer to have something nice to wear today, so I did that. We talked with the ladies of the house for a bit, got to see Haven (yay!) before she went back out to catch a plane to Budapest. So by the time I ate lunch and stretched some more and talked with everyone it was near 3:00. I took a looooooong shower, got minimally ready and am now sitting on my butt in the family room, feeling a bit lame for not rushing myself to get ready and go out and have great adventures by myself.

I am having this problem with my days off that I look forward to having the day to do whatever I want, but by the time my day off rolls around I come up with a billion excuses as to why I shouldn't go anywhere. For instance, right now it is quite late to go to Bruxelles, I don't have any Euros and I can't remember my pin number to get cash, which means I would have to go to the ticket counter inside the train station instead of buying a ticket with cash on the train, which is something that I have done before; I am sore from this morning, I now have a headache, and I hate, hate, hate, going anywhere by myself-especially where I don't know anything and feel dumb and conspicuous.  All of these are ridiculous. I know that. I am in Belgium. I should have adventures even if I have to go by myself and just make myself have fun, right? Right.

I am the Queen of hermiting and hiding alone in my room, but please never ask me to go anywhere  out in the world by myself. All of the awkwardness I feel going out by myself at home is greatly amplified here because of the language barrier and all of the newness and not knowing how to deal with things here.

Is being a solitary wanderer an acquired skill?"

Now I am here to answer myself. 

Yes, yes it is. 

It was a couple weeks after that post, Kayla had her day off and got to go out with a friend and I was hoping to do the same on mine, but it just didn't work out. But that ended up being ok, because God had much to teach me. 

It was April 20th and I drew out the morning as usual, sleeping in and taking forever to get ready, but I just knew that I had to get out that day. I had a hard time with it at first. I really didn't want to be alone and my loneliness was overwhelming me. Before I left, I went and talked to Rebecca about it, she let me hug her and prayed for me. I bolted out of there so I wouldn't start crying. I was extremely apprehensive, but I knew the Lord was pushing me to go, so I went.  

This is how I was feeling on the walk to the train station.

The Lord really showed his care for me the whole day. In talking with Rebecca and her encouraging words, in Annie helping me to figure out where to go and finding a map and train schedules for me. In being late for the train, so I would be at the right place at the right time to meet another person who spoke English from Romania; and get to ride into Bruxelles with Haven, Ben, and the girl I met from Romania. Haven gave me her train card so I didn't have to buy a ticket and I got to use it on the way back as well. 

I went to Bruxelles and went to a shopping area and ducked into this church for a bit. 

It was very peaceful. I wandered around the interior praying and taking pictures, trying to gather myself and calm my anxiety. 

I remember being reminded of Psalm 118:6, "The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?" and Psalm 27:1, "The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"

The longer I was out by myself, the more I had a growing awareness of His presence with me and my security in Him. 

I knew it was time for me to be bold and courageous, so I walked out the door.   

It started raining, which was comical, but I had bought a little umbrella after our first rain soaked outing, so I was not unprepared. I actually started enjoying it. 

I found some much needed new jeans, which made me very happy. 

I ended up just losing myself in the shopping as you can see from my spoils.

Had a delicious coffee

and then I just wandered around

This is me on my way back into Gare du Nord. Happy!

The Lord really blessed me with confidence in his presence and his care for me that day and it has really changed my outlook on solitary wandering and taught me to set aside my fear and look to the Father for strength. I can cast my burdens on Him, because He cares for me. 

That lesson on that day is just one of the many reasons I am forever changed from going to Belgium. It was one of the hardest things I have have done, but the blessings matched the hardships and I wouldn't change it for the world!

Now what?

I can't believe it has been over a month since Kayla and I left London. It has been surreal this week to be watching the Olympics on television and see the sweeping scenes of the city and say, "I've been there!" There is joy and gratefulness in the remembering. Wonderment and disbelief that it actually happened. I can't believe we got to live in Belgium for three months and on top of that got to travel in England and Ireland. It was a dream come true.

Now we have been home for almost seven weeks, taken the first two-three weeks just to crash and catch up with friends, have moved out of and said goodbye to the house that Kayla and I lived in for a bit, taken a short trip to Pryor, Oklahoma to see family that we haven't seen since we moved to New Mexico. It has been good and hard, but mostly good.

Tonight watching the Olympics though, I felt an ache. I have become an addict. I can't wait to go back. I am longing for the familiar places that I just barely got to know and for all the places I haven't yet been. I want to look up again at buildings that have stood for centuries and watch the countryside fly by as I hear the clack-clack-clack of the wheels against the train tracks. I want to get lost again in a big city and not care that I don't know where I am, only caring that I am somewhere I have never been before. I want to go back and do all the things we didn't have time for or were just too tired to see.

I want to meet people who have grown up in a different culture than I and be astounded at the common grace of God to let human beings connect to one another in laughter and awkwardness and kindness.

Yet, I am so blessed to be home. To see my family that I missed like crazy for all that time, to see my dear friends; to travel back to good ol' small town Oklahoma and enjoy being with family and recede back into my Oklahoma accent for awhile, to go tubing on the lake and soak up the muggy, sunny atmosphere. To go hiking in the Sandia foothills again and watch the sunset. To have my own room again and be surrounded in a teal ocean that calms me like almost nothing else.

But after all these good things and resting and readjusting the question that has been on the back burner for the last four months has come to the forefront. Now what?

Pardon my unacceptable excuses

I realize that I have majorly dropped the ball with the blogging thing. I have appreciated the people who have told me that they are waiting for more pictures and stories from Kayla's and my trip, because it makes me excited that people have read and care. In my free time in the last half of our time in Belgium I slept or just didn't have the umph to blog about everything, and the two weeks of travel were a whirlwind. So...

As of five days ago we have been back for a month, which is just crazy. I never thought re-acclimating would be very difficult, but really, everything else in my life has not gone as expected, so I don't know why I wasn't expecting the diving back into reality process to be more difficult. Silly me. 

In the midst of sleeping, TV bingeing, family time, friend time, decompressing, and just getting used to the reality that is the U.S.A., I have been slowly working through the 1,000+ photos that I have taken over the past four-ish months. I am so close, but other things have come to the forefront, like moving, and birthdays, and weddings, and, and, and... 

This week we have been trying to move everything out of the house Kayla and I had been living in to my parent's house, which has made my parent's house a mess. Today we have to finish the last of it, clean up my parents house, and get ready to leave to visit family in Oklahoma on Wednesday, and celebrate my brother's birthday between there somewhere. 

Guess what? Life keeps happening while you are gone for three and a half months, and when you come back it does not slow down for you to adjust to it. Or to blog about it. Though really, if I sat down to catalog my time over the past month, I have definitely had time to finish my pictures and blog, but I just haven't been ready to process everything all at once. I have been processing my time there in little snippets of shared stories with friends, family, and a church staff meeting. But other than those moments I haven't really sat down by myself to work on writing stories and lessons. It is just so vast and overwhelming at times. If I think about all of that time, sometimes I feel overwhelmingly blessed by everything that I went through and everything I learned, and sometimes I am bowled over by the hardships and things that I just had to brush off and not deal with at the moment. 

Now that I am past most of the HOLY CRAP moments of adjusting to life here and dealing with life there, I feel like I am ready to dive into processing and regurgitating mode. So I am being optimistic that you will begin seeing more posts about Belgium and beyond once we get back from the Oklahoma family extravaganza. Stay tuned.

New Mexico!!!

Happy to be back in this loveliness.

Reminders

As we only have a month left and are wondering what in the world comes next, it is great to be reminded today why I don't have to worry about the future.

From Justin Taylor:

Eight Reasons Why My Anxiety Is Pointless and Foolish

1. God is near me to help me.

Philippians 4:5-6: “The Lord is at hand; [therefore] do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

2. God cares for me.

1 Peter 5:7: “. . . casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”

3. My Father in heaven knows all my needs and will supply all my needs.

Matthew 6:31-33: “Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

4. God values me more than birds and grass, which he richly provides for and adorns; how much more will he provide for all my needs!

Matthew 6:26-30: “Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?”

Read the rest here

(Found on takeyourvitaminz)

Just chuggin' along

I have been lax in blogging the past several weeks, so here are a lot of pics and a bit of info on what went on.

The first week of April was Birthday week for Rebecca. Her birthday was on the 4th and her party was on the 6th, so it was quite a busy week. I think we said Happy Birthday week, Happy two days before, Happy day before your birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy day after, Happy Birthday party day.... you get the idea.

Paul and Rebecca going out to lunch

Birthday week was also the week before Easter, so there were little bunnies everywhere. 

Several ladies came on Friday to celebrate Rebecca's life. It was so sweet.

Part of the spread

Easter tree and champagne glasses

This is Hallie, one of the ladies' granddaughter. It looks like she is rolling her eyes, but she really did like me. :)

Sweet Rebecca. 

Anne and Laura

Both Rebecca and Maddie are ready for a nap after all the excitement. 

Haven the Mahhhhvelous Maven took us to church with her the previous Sunday and then stole us away for a bit longer to show us the Chateau de la Hulpe. It was a lovely day.

The grounds were beautiful. We felt like we should have worn dresses and be reading something while walking. 

Sister, Me,  and the lovely Haven. 

This is how tired I am... except more. 

One of my duties. Meds!

Oh sister.

Greasy hair days make for good hairstyle experimenting.

More Belgian rainy days/

I have been practicing my uke a lot more lately.  I have added some new songs to the one I am learning and making some headway with the ones I was already working on. 

I bought my own giant coffee mug!

Just practicing for working on a tat design for a friend. :/ Which reminds me...I need to work on it some more. 

In typical Katina fashion my feet were both injured on the same day. My right big toe was run over in a wheelchair...and I stepped on a wheelchair ramp with my full weight, which did not happen to be all the way on the ground...and my other foot happened to be under it. These things just happen right? ....yeah, I know it's just me. 

On Easter I read through the Lord's Supper to the end of the book in each of the gospels. I had the Lord's Supper each time. It was pretty cool. 

Genval train station. We are great friends now.

Going to church!

I really should pay more attention to what these actually are. Sorry. 

Spring has sprung!

Ruins of something on the way to church. 

Belgian Waffle with strawberries, whipped cream, and nutella. Yeah, it was as good as it sounds.

Ohmyfreakinggoodness, the coffee here (the good stuff) is to die for.

Our reflection in the window of a passing train.

My first experience with Belgian beer. Had this the second night we were here and again this past week.  I know it's fruity and girly, but it is pretty delicious. I'm working on branching out. 

We have had some pretty busy weeks this month and this week will be more so. Lots of guests, so there will be lots of running around. Hopefully we won't be pulling our hair out (or each others) by the end of the week. But as I have been kinda of dreading this week and all of it's sleep-deprived craziness, I have been reminded of what one of my brothers at the well said on Sunday. He said that in light of all that we had talked about (go to the end of this post to see what that was) we can walk throughout the week, knowing that whatever God has put on our plate for the week or just for the day, that we can submit it to Him and trust Him with it, knowing that He will use it for His glory. I am praying that I will still be reminded of that tomorrow,as I (and we) will greatly need it.

Hopefully, more pics to come later!