A house of peace

Paul and Rebecca told us that when people walk in their home they notice a difference. Many nurses have told them how peaceful their home is. Just yesterday, I heard the same from a new visitor. And it truly is. The Lord is greatly present here (not that he isn't present everywhere, but there is a weight lifted here and everyone can feel it).

Here are a few pictures of this lovely peace-filled house that we live in.

This is our room. I was going to wait to take a picture until we cleaned it up, but it seems to live in a perpetual state of messiness, so what the heck.

 The third floor landing where our room is located. Thirty-two steps. :) I usually try to take them two at a time. I'm grateful for the workout.

 The lovely view from the third floor window.

 The clock tower that rings on the hour and half-hour everyday.

 Going down.

 The houses across the street from us. Second floor landing view.

 The second floor

 Kayla hopes to get in some good practice on this piano.

 The piano is in this same room. This is the second floor family room. Out of those doors is a lovely little balcony where I like to sit a read. A friend of Haven's is staying in this room right now.

 Blue front door.

 There is a super cool basement going down under the stairs.

 The front room. I enjoy reading in here, especially in the morning.

 The kitchen 

 Looking out of the kitchen to the dining area (which we hardly use) and sitting area.

 The back patio. I can't wait for full blown spring when we will eat out here.

 Rebecca's room is always filled with flowers.

 Haha, this isn't much of a picture, but this is the ledge outside of Rebecca's room where we put birdseed every morning. I keep trying to get pictures of them, but they fly away so fast! I love watching all the different kinds of birds come and grab a snack here.

 Part of the lovely garden on a (rare) sunny day. Rebecca told us to go get out in the garden since it was so nice and we were both feeling a bit restless. So I traipsed about for a while and took some pictures for fun. It was so lovely basking in the sun and hearing all the birds sing.

Looking back at the house from the edge of the yard.

Flowers are coming!!!

Tulips coming up.

SO peaceful.

Just a bit of spring coming early. :)

I love this quaint woodshed in the back

This is a school playground behind the backyard. We hear kids playing all day.

Almost all of the doors have skeleton keys to turn the lock. I love it.

We see many of these birds outside of Rebecca's room. They are my favorite.

They are elusive little guys.

Enjoying the Word in the garden

The doggies. :)

There you go! I'm sure there will be many more in the future.

FYI, we finally made it to the lake today without getting lost once! Pictures to come later.

Grace through trial

My mind is bursting with all that I am learning. I feel like a balloon that is about to pop.

I am learning so much practically, all the care taking duties, medicine schedules, trying to pick up some french, and just a lot of little details. But I feel like I am learning so much more spiritually. My spirit was so exhausted yesterday evening and I was so overwhelmed with everything the Father is teaching me. It is definitely all good, but sometimes I just don't know how in the world to take it all in.

I have been struggling the past several days with a bit of spiritual oppression. The first day it was an encompassing sense of sadness, not really about anything in particular, but over everything. The second day it was a sense of accusation and guilt. Yesterday, I was tempted to question God about everything. I am learning so much and growing so much, but I can feel the tempter feeling his way around and trying to find my weak spot, trying to get me to despair over everything. I think he knows he is losing. (These are things that I struggle with a lot of the time, but never in such an overwhelming sense in quite a while. That is why I think it is spiritual warfare. Just in case you were wondering. :)  )

I asked Rebecca to pray about it at bedtime the second day and she told me that those things are extremely common in this area of Europe. She said, "well that is silly to carry it around all this time." :) She prayed boldly and with authority in Jesus name for me and I feel some of the burden lifted. Rebecca also said that I need to strengthen my spiritual armor, so I have been diving into Ephesians 6 and feel like I have been really learning to "pray at all times in the Spirit, with prayer and supplication." Every time I feel the heat of accusation or the whisper in my ear questioning God's goodness, sovereignty, and love; I just shoot it right back up to the Lord and submit it to him.

I'm not going to lie. It is hard and it is exhausting, but it is so good. I have been reading and re-reading Romans 8 and abiding in, "there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Ah, what relief! What a refuge! I have received the spirit of adoption as his child and I can cry "Abba Father!" I am helped in my weakness and I am interceded for by the Spirit. "If God is for me, who can be against me?" Who can bring any charge against me? "It is God who justifies. Nothing can separate me from the love of Christ.

I am being filled to the brim and running over. The Father is breaking and healing my heart repeatedly here and filling me with his joy and his strength. It is exhausting and mind blowing and shattering; it is amazing and miraculous and joyous that the Father would care to discipline me, to change me and grow me as he is doing.

It is amazing, when you stop complaining and start thanking the Lord for everything, even the seemingly bad things, how much there is to be thankful for and how much of everything I have is a blessing and not a right.

I love this place, I love these people, and I am so thankful for them and how God is using them and this place to change my heart and glorify himself.  Oh, and how much more there is to come. :)


Shane & Shane  

"Embracing Accusation"

"The father of lies
Coming to steal
Kill and destroy
All my hopes of being good enough
I hear him saying cursed are the ones
Who can’t abide
He’s right
Alleluia he’s right!

The devil is preaching
The song of the redeemed
That I am cursed and gone astray
I cannot gain salvation
Embracing accusation

Could the father of lies
Be telling the truth
Of God to me tonight?
If the penalty of sin is death
Then death is mine
I hear him saying cursed are the ones
Who can’t abide
He’s right
Alleluia he’s right!

Oh the devil’s singing over me
An age old song
That I am cursed and gone astray
Singing the first verse so conveniently
He’s forgotten the refrain
Jesus saves!

He redeemed us from the curse of the law."

getting into the groove

March 9
I know that I am going to love it here. Today has already been a bit better as we are getting into the swing of things. Sleep is still rough and we are still exhausted at the end of the day, but getting to know the people around us more makes it all worthwhile.

Last night there was a full moon and Annie came to tell Rebecca and try to get her where she could see it. We already had Rebecca in bed to go to sleep, but Annie unplugged the bed and we all tried to get it at the right angle so Rebecca could see. Kayla and I sat on the floor next to Rebecca's bed and watched the moon together. I was brought to tears with the grace and Godliness of this woman. She thanked the Lord for being able to see the moon and she told us stories about stargazing and moon-watching with her children and with friends in Africa. She praises the Lord for everything. The good and the bad. The Lord is teaching me to do the same through her.

We are going to begin a Bible study with her soon and are both really excited about it.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

March 10
Today Kayla and I tried to go see the Chateau du Lac for the second time and for the second time, ended up going in the opposite direction we wanted to go. In the Rain. We basically just wandered around and looked at houses, trying not to feel miserable as we were getting soaked. We packed lunches to eat at the lake and made ourselves look all pretty so we could take pictures and look like exciting and adventurous tourists having a picturesque lunch by a castle. Nope. Instead we took pictures of houses and doors and our wet faces.

As we were walking, we both were getting increasingly cranky and I was complaining internally and externally. We did not understand why we could not find the dang lake and why we got all excited to get out, just for it to rain and us to look gross. I have been convicted about my grumbling lately. I am a stark contrast to Rebecca's shining example in being thankful.

Kayla and I both prayed out loud while we walked, entrusting our situation to the Lord and both of us thanked Him for it. If anything, this little outing gave us a chance to practice thankfulness in every situation and gave us a chance to feel like stupid American tourists.

I think, next time we will make it and have some lovely pictures of the Chateau du Lac, but for now, here are some Belgian doors, and houses, and streets, and walls. :)

Love this color

Also very nice

Every door was a different color and style

 

So much nicer than our cookie-cutter American style

Finding our way back home

This is me pulling up my pants and not being very excited to take a picture.

Kayla, standing against a Belgian wall

Near the town center where we made the wrong turn

Made it safely back home. 

Some other perks from today were getting beautiful flowers from Paul (he bought all the ladies in the house flowers today, the biggest bouquet for Rebecca, of course) and watching more of Downton Abby tonight. We are on the fifth episode in the first series and we all love it. I love that our taste in movies matches up pretty well. :)

Kayla and I made new strides in care giving today and are thanking the Lord for his grace in it. Oh, He is good.

Homesick zombies make feeble attempts at the learning...you know...stuff

I had no idea jet lag could be this bad. When people would talk about it I would think, "big deal, you just stay up all day and then go to bed when you are supposed to and then everything will be fine." Wow, oh wow, was I wrong. Yesterday I felt like the living dead all day and I went to bed right after dinner so I could be competent enough to do the midnight turn. I don't think I have ever been to bed at seven before. I feel like I am in a constant fog, even if I have slept enough, and I haven't been able to sleep very well.

Kayla and I both couldn't sleep last night, so we got to talk for a bit. It was the first extended conversation we've had since we got here.

Yesterday was our first day without Jordan; I think it was rougher on us because of that. I feel like I am constantly doing something wrong and always have to be corrected. I know that I am just learning, and Rebecca is extremely gracious, but I am hard on myself and want to do everything perfectly the first time around. Especially since I am so tired, I don't get things as fast as I normally would and I am slow to move or slow to hear what I am asked to do. Then there are the times when there are a bit of a cultural barrier and I am looking for something that I know of as one thing by the same name and it turns out to be something completely different. *sigh*

I think I automatically see disapproving glances and think others don't think well of me because I am so frustrated with myself, whether they are really there or not. Pray for us to be gracious, especially when we are tired and frustrated with ourselves that we aren't learning faster. Pray for graciousness to be extended to us when we are slow to act or comprehend. Pray for us to get into the groove of things quickly and please, please, please, pray for our bodies to adjust to the time quickly and for us to feel totally well.

Rebecca is lovely and we are enjoying getting to know her and Paul. It is great living with people who are so in love with the Lord and extend grace to everyone around them. I am already so thankful for their presence in our lives and I feel that the Lord will teach us much through them.

This morning was a bit of a whirlwind as we were getting ready for visitors to come to tea. Kayla and I briefly met the First Prince and Princess of Belgium this morning! Pretty cool. They came to pray with Paul and Rebecca about the Prayer Breakfasts that Paul started here in Belgium. We also met another of Paul's friends who was very kind and spoke to us for a bit. I think that he is the pastor over the Prayer Breakfast here.

The more we do everything, I'm sure it will get easier. It is just the firsts of everything that is very hard. We both cannot believe that this is only the fifth day of us being here. It feels like an eternity right now. I just have to get through each moment, I cannot even think of getting through this one day, or I feel like I will fall over. I have to plead for grace and strength from the Lord for every moment, for every unpleasant task, and for everything I feel unqualified for.

I am learning so much and am doing things waaaaaaaaaay outside my comfort zone. Sometimes I am barely making it and sometimes I can smile through it. Each time in the Word is becoming precious and I am learning to lean on the Lord for strength in every moment. I read Isaiah 40 this morning as I was quickly eating breakfast and was encouraged that the Lord says,

"Comfort, comfort, my people..."1

"The grass withers, the flower fade when the breath of the LORD blows on it. surely the people are grass. The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever." 7-8

"Behold, the Lord GOD comes with might,  and his arm rules for him; behold, his reward is with him, and his recompense before him. He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young." 10-11




"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." 28-31 (All ESV)

The Word is becoming more of a balm and strength to my tired soul every day.

I have also never understood true homesickness until now. Last night I just wanted to hug my Mom and have a good cry, and remembered that she is way on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, plus more than halfway across America. Hopefully, we will be able to find a time to skype soon, but our different schedules plus the eight hour time difference make things difficult. I have gotten to talk to my brothers a bit, which was nice We can receive texts for free, but can't really send many back. If any of you wanted to text us, that would be fine. :)

Miss all of you and praying that the Lord is working in your lives as He is certainly moving in ours.

Love!

If...

One of the few books I brought with me is Amy Carmichael's "If; What do I know of Calvary Love?" It is a little book of poems that has encouraged me throughout the years and I was led to bring it with me. I have read a bit today and here are some passages that have encouraged me and convicted me:

"If I do not feel far more for the grieved Saviour than for my worried self when troublesome things occur, then I know nothing of Calvary love."

"If I put my own happiness before the well-being of the work entrusted to me; if, though I have received much mercy, I faint, I know nothing of Calvary love."

"If I am soft to myself and slide comfortably into the vice of self-pity and self-sympathy; if I do not by the grace of God practice fortitude, then I know nothing of Calvary love."

"If I myself dominate myself, if my thoughts revolve around myself, if I am so occupied with myself I rarely have "a heart at leisure from itself," then I know nothing of Calvary love."

"If the moment I am conscious of the shadow of self crossing my threshold. I do not shut the door, and in the power of Him who works in us to will and to do, keep that door shut, then I know nothing of Calvary love."

"If I am inconsiderate about the comfort of others, or their feelings, or even of their little weaknesses; if I am careless about their little hurts and miss opportunities to smooth their way; if I make the sweet running of household wheels more difficult to accomplish, then I know nothing of Calvary love."

"If I become entangled in any "inordinate affection"; if things or places or people hold me back from obedience to my Lord, then I know nothing of Calvary love."

"If something I am asked to do for another feels burdensome; if, yielding to an inward unwillingness, I avoid doing it, then I know nothing of Calvary love."

"If I slip into the place that can be filled with Christ alone, making myself the first necessity to a soul instead of leading it to fasten upon Him, then I know nothing of Calvary love."

"If I refuse to be a corn of wheat that falls to the ground and dies ("is separated from all in which it lived before"), then I know nothing of Calvary love."


Father is showing me that my time is not my own, here or anywhere else. He is showing me my own heart of selfishness and laziness. He is showing me how much of my thoughts are occupied with myself and my desires. My heart and attitudes are being greatly challenged here. The Father has much to teach me and I am ready to learn and to change.

I feel I have come to a point where much has been taken away. I have been emptied and I am ready to be filled. These past years my loves, desires, plans, finances, and health have been torn down. I am in a new place quite out of my comfort zone and I have only the Lord's strength to lean on. This will surely be a time of more tearing down of the idols of my heart, of the foundation made of sand that I have built up for myself, and a time of building up the foundation of Rock that I must always stand on and willingly submitting to the Lord who rightfully belongs on the throne of my heart.

May He become greater and I become less.

Initial Observations

Ohmygoodness. I am in Europe. Pretty exciting. We had a crazy nineteen hours of traveling and went thirty-two hours on about four hours of sleep. We both went to bed around 8:30 last night and slept for eight hours straight, woke up around 4:30 and went back to sleep until 9:00. I am still tired, but doing better than I thought I would be.

It has been fairly chilly and wet since we got here yesterday. It snowed this morning, which was lovely and it has been misty and grey ever since.The architecture here is lovely and quaint. Everything is green and beautiful. We went to the grocery store this afternoon with our friend Jordan and got to see Waterloo.

I love seeing all the signs in French and loved hearing strangers speak it around me. I am hoping to learn some while we are here. It is such a lovely language. So musical and much more pleasant to hear than English, I think.

We have been watching Jordan all day to learn what we will be doing and so far nothing looks too scary. I think I will be more overwhelmed when Jordan leaves. I think Rebecca will make everything easy though. She is such a sweetheart. I have already been able to share with her about some things that I have been though and have already been encouraged by her. She just emanates the Lord's grace. I know that, even though I will be daunted with the tasks and exhausted a lot of the time (especially in the first couple of weeks), it will be a joy to serve her.

I am very tired and not feeling too well right now, but the Lord has been and will continue to be my strength and my comfort. Thanks for praying. :)


P.S. This blog post took twice as long as normal because my dyslexia gets worse when I am tired. I think I had to retype every five words or so. :/

P.P.S. I haven't taken any pictures yet, but I will do so soon and put some up when I can.

Travel Plans

Three and a half hours until we leave for the airport. Then a crazy long day of flights and transfers. Albuquerque to Chicago to London to Brussels. Running on little sleep and half-dead feet, we will make it. Tomorrow evening we will be in Belgium (in whatever state). This is crazy.

Please be praying for us and we will keep you updated as best as we can! We love you and will miss you all (you know who you are)!

WHAT....um, Ok

I still have so far to go.
I have been learning SO much about trusting the Lord and putting the sin of worry to death, but seriously, the moment I started to think, "I am doing good, way to go Katina," I was majorly humbled.
Preparation for this upcoming (ten days!) trip has been humbling. I feel inadequate to go and serve and I have felt completely incapable of getting myself there. Since I had been sick and not working at all up till several weeks ago (doing much better since going to the doc, by the way) I didn't have much to save up, but I did what I could. I have been blessed in that I have a family whose view of money is that it is the Lord's and not theirs and that they are ready and willing to help in the situation that we are in. But it has been extremely humbling not being able to provide much for myself.
The moment I started to trust in what little riches I had, God reminded me that it is not riches that I need to trust in to get me where I need to go, but him. I thought that I had come so far in learning to trust the Lord, but as soon the rug was pulled from under my feet, I responded in anger and distrust.
Today I am repenting and not cursing the IRS, but trying to remember Who has my time in His hands, and trying to be thankful for another moment to grow and trust. A moment to remember my complete inadequacy and remember His complete sufficiency. A moment to remember what the Goal and the Prize is that I should be running to, and that it has much less to do with my own comfort and security here and much more to do with eternal glory for my God, who deserves every last drop of it.