Grace upon grace upon grace

As I have probably said before, I am learning so much these days. So much about myself and my heart, my wants, desires, dreams, hopes for the future; and so much about the Lord; his Word, his heart towards me, and his promises.

I posted this link on facebook to a Desiring God blog the other day called "God Loves Good Wine." It talks about the difference between growing grapes for bulk, cheap wines and growing grapes for high quality wines. Basically, the grapes for high quality wines are grown in a more trying climate to make the grapes more rich and flavorful. The vines have to be stressed to produce really good fruit. I feel like that parallels my time here. Not that it is so horrible here. It is wonderful, but it is difficult. It is different. There is not a lot of rest. There is a lot of moving and a lot of serving. A lot of weariness, but there is much grace in the toil.

I feel like now that I have gotten used to the tasks a bit, that they have gotten easier in that I know more of what I need to do, but much, much, harder knowing that I have to do them all the time. I am having much more of a hard time being thankful for them and a much harder time resting in the Lord's grace for all of it. I asked the Lord today to teach me what it means to be his servant. To be his slave. Not that I feel like a slave, that would be a major exaggeration, but sometimes it is difficult for me to be constantly at someone else's disposal.  I am having to pray for the heart of a servant daily. When I am pleasant, or quick to do something on the outside, I am groaning on the inside and I don't want to be groaning.

I am learning what it means to lean on the Father strength. I am learning to submit my constant cares to Him. I am learning how much I still have to learn.

The themes the Father has been repeating to me have been the concept of being poured out, and only one thing being necessary. Basically, that my life is not my own and I am to be poured out as a blessing wherever God places me, and that I only need to focus on Jesus and knowing him in his Word and the other things will flow out of that.

That really only scratches the surface of things, but alas, my mind is already slipping away. I suppose that will do for now. :)